This was it, not just your average morning, but THE morning, the morning when the cops were coming to take me to jail for a very old bad check written by a person I called Former Me.  Former Me did not know God in the personal way that I do now.  Former Me did not understand selfless love.  Former Me did not serve God, but only herself.  Former Me did not or could not recognize God’s gracious gifts bestowed upon her time and time again.  New Me, Now Me is definitely not perfect but I understand a little more about accountability and living a life set apart.  I know that whether I call myself Former, New, or Now Me – I was still held accountable actions and I was ready for that.

Fortunately, I had been favored by God so far.  I was supposed to go to jail the evening before but didn’t on account of my seizures.  This gave me time to learn a lesson from God, have him comfort me, and also time to be prayed over by friends.  That night I was able to mostly get some rest and prepare for the day that was ahead, again, understanding that it was my fault and I had to be held accountable.

I woke up that morning and praised our Lord and Savior for what he did on Calvary and my heart broke with joy and pain when I thought of how he prayed for the cup to pass from him, knowing that it couldn’t.  Jesus knew what was going to happen and the pain he would endure, yet he went willingly.  The big difference was that he didn’t deserve the punishment like I did.

Again, by delaying my arrest, God showed me favor because it gave me time to wake up early and have a calm morning to get ready and read the Word.  I came to Psalm 107 and found the Words that would be my focus:

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

His love endures forever. (Psalm 107:1)

and

Let them give thanks to the Lord for his unfailing love and his wonderful deeds (Psalm 107:8)

 

Being reassured of the truth that God would be with me and knowing that there would be people praying gave me such a peace.  Knowing that I had done everything in my power to stop this from happening, well, in a way, it gave me spiritual purpose and focus.  I knew that what was going to happen that day was beyond me.  Already, God had calmed my heart, and reminded me of how much he had done for me and how much change he had done in my heart.  I mean, all these things from this experience made me want to leap for joy and fall to my knees at the same time.  So, what else could there be?

 

The cops were supposed to come between 10 am and noon and all I had left to do was wait and wonder what else God had in store for me from this experience. 

In my mind, I thought maybe I was being called to witness to someone or just be a light in the darkness somehow.  I was picturing me handcuffed to a hospital bed and telling the doctor about my love for God and how I had changed (and wondered if anyone would take me seriously).  Well, the time for the cops to pick me up came and went; and by 2 o’clock, I started to be concerned that the trip to the hospital and the jail would not give me time to be seen before the judge’s office closed for my bail hearing.  So, I called the police station and spoke to the officer in charge of my case.

 

And this is where God’s mercy and favor is really seen in this whole story.  When I spoke to the officer, he told me that he was just looking at my arrest warrant.  When I told him about the seizures and about how I had already made arrangements with the merchant to pay them, he told me that he would not send someone to actively seek me out as long as I paid the merchant by the date I told him.   I mean, talk about a relief!  For a week, everyone told me I had to be arrested and here, the officer was letting me go.  The next day, I went and paid off the merchant and court, and the issue was resolved – Praise God!

 

As I started to think about it more, I realized what a perfect reflection my jail situation is of salvation.  I deserved to go to jail.  I deserved to be handcuffed and humiliated while sitting in handcuffs waiting for a doctor.  I tried for a week, calling everyone I could think of to get out of being arrested but their hearts were hardened and I wasn’t quite willing to accept my punishment.  But when I surrendered and accepted that God was in control; when I praised him in the difficult situation, and sought his guidance, that was when the burden of my sin and previous actions were lifted.  He showed mercy by softening the heart of the officer who was in charge, literally down to the very minute before they were about to come for me.

God was in control the entire time, working in his perfect timing.  Looking back now, I realize that he even granted me the gift of not being ashamed of who I was before – because it all led back to Him and gave me a deep gratefulness for salvation.  Plus, we all have our paths in life.  I chose a difficult to get back to God but for me, that makes his presence in my life and his love that much sweeter.

In so many situations in life, like this one, God has redeemed me, and my previous actions.  In the midst of my trial and suffering, he was there – guiding me and teaching me while also reminding me that it is him that I need to turn to first in everything.  And I know, because of his faithfulness to Former Me, New Me, Now Me, and Future Me, that he will continue to do those things and for that, and always for the gift of salvation, I am eternally thankful.