I don’t know about you, but I grew up with the Peanuts gang cartoons and I loved when Charlie Brown said “Good Grief!” when he was frustrated.  Recently, that got me wondering, does that mean that there could be such a thing as good grief?  If you had asked me on Thanksgiving of 2016, I would have said no.  Especially since I was not only pouring out tears of grief and sorrow for the death of my beloved Grandmother whom I lost the previous year, but also grief for estrangement with my sister.  Although both were painful and they were both bringing tears to my eyes, each felt like loss to me, in their own way.  In that moment, no, I would not say that grief was not good.  It was awful, painful, and I just wanted it to end.

Surprisingly, I made it through the day without too many more tears once I got around my family.  Even though I was completely drained when I got home from Thanksgiving dinner, I praised God for giving me strength to get through the day, and to be able to laugh and enjoy small moments.  Earlier, I was praying that He would take that day and turn it into a day for His glory, guiding my steps and my grief but also that I would be able to push through the grief and enjoy time with my family.  He was faithful, giving me His strength, as always.  Little did I know that there was still even more grieving to do and that He had a use for that specific grief.

This is hard to confess, and even as I am writing it, I am hoping that someone out there reading it will understand from a personal perspective, or from knowing someone with depression or manic depression.  You see, I have depression and have had it since I was 17.  I have been told in the past that my faith was not strong enough, that I am a bad person, that I must have some big unconfessed sin.  Finally, after trying many different medications, I found one that mostly manages the symptoms but I still feel like myself.  If it weren’t for the Lord in my life, I don’t know what I would do or who I would be; however, by His grace, I have joy and peace in spite of my depression and a desire to live and serve Him.  And this brings me to my other grief on Thanksgiving.

My Aunt, who was manic depressive, and not a Christian (to our knowledge), committed suicide last year.  She was a believer in New Age and suffered with her mental illness and addiction to medications for decades.  In spite of the fact that we all knew she was ill, it came as a shock, and a painful one, at that.  So, as I was lying in bed that night, my grief for her suddenly overtook me.  I started to remember her smiles and her talking to me as I played in our backyard.  I remembered a shopping trip she took me on and how she has a contagious laugh.  I remembered all the promises she failed to keep and how that was part of her illness.  I wondered if the ups and downs just exhausted her.

And I felt a deep pang, knowing that she was probably not in heaven, like my Grandmother, and that I would never see her again. 

Then, God reminded me of a friend who had lost his brother this past year, who had struggled with addiction, and I felt that gentle stirring in my soul telling me that I should reach out to him.  After all, the grief I was experiencing was the same grief he was experiencing.  And in that moment, I was reminded of 2 Corinthians 1, when Paul was writing to church about how God comforts us so we can comfort others and how we also sharing in suffering we can share in comfort.

I then thought that there is such a thing as good grief, grief that is shared, or grief that is used to comfort others.

It was at that moment that God answered the other part of my prayer, guiding my grief.  Granted, it was not what I was expecting.  I just wanted God to guide it in a way earlier that day that I would stop crying long enough to maybe put on some make-up and “fake it ‘til you make it” through dinner.  But God had a higher purpose, a better reason for my grief, which was to contact my friend and tell him that I was thinking of him and his family at that moment and praying for them.

God, in His Sovereignty, gave my grief purpose, and turned it into good grief. What a wonderful Lord we serve, who turns pain into purpose, and makes ugly things beautiful.  So, yeah, Thanksgiving was not easy and it was indeed full of grief but with the Lord on my side, I will always have so much to be thankful for – mainly, Him.  He is indeed the Lord exchanges “beauty for ashes and the oil of joy for mourning” (Isaiah 61:3).