For years, I was happy being single. Naturally, during my years as a single Christian woman, I had crushes and possibilities, but inwardly, I thought that I was probably one of those Christians meant to be single my whole life. Instead of viewing this as a loss, I would instead get excited to think about all the people I could meet and help and all the trips I could take!

Until six months ago, God put a longing in my heart for me to share my life with someone. It wasn’t a feeling of loneliness; I already knew Christ could fill that in my heart. It was a genuine desire to share my life with someone. So, I signed up for online dating. Yes, there were some fun stories. Yes, there were some weird stories. Yes, there are lots of creeps out there.

Through all the guys I met, there was a Christian man who I started seeing. As we talked more, some differences came up concerning what each of us wanted and needed. I soon found myself making compromises I never thought I would, which was a real eye-opener. Like many, I wanted a monogamous relationship, but the guy I was seeing wasn’t ready for that, so I told myself that I would hang on until he was.

When I stopped to ask myself if I actually wanted to date him and liked being with him, I didn’t. I was making compromises for a guy I wasn’t entirely into! I was going against the nature of how God created relationships to be fulfilling and equal to settling for something that was second-best.

It was then that I realized I had to let him go, and even though we were new, it still hurt; however, I knew that he was not what God had planned for me. I was reminded of Matthew 6:33, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” (NIV), which seemed to be my anthem of the year. As I did just that, this “relationship” seemed more wrong and less fulfilling.

As I prayed, God reminded me that there is always hope when I seek him and wait for him! Not just the hope for what he provides but the hope of newness in him and the joy he gives when I seek him.

Psalm 33: 20-22 says, “Our soul waits for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. For our heart is glad in him because we trust in his holy name. Let your steadfast love, O Lord, be upon us, even as we hope in you.” (ESV)

In my mind, I pictured a half-empty water bottle, clutching it until my knuckles were white until I finally opened my palm so God could take it. He then replaces it with an entire bottle of the freshest water that continues refilling itself.

So many times, I have let something go, and God gave me something better! It no longer mattered if my relationships ended in marriage or if I remained single. What matters is if I obeyed God and trusted him with my heart and future. I rested in the knowledge that he put exactly what I needed in my heart, and it would be much better than what I had given up.

Sometimes, there is a pain in obedience, as I have learned, but there is always hope for the future God puts in our hearts.

Note: I wrote this back in 2017, and since then, God has not only given me a spouse, but he has given me the perfect husband for me, who was and is still worth the wait!