I have been feeling pretty depressed for a while now. Although I have dealt with depression since I was 16, it still catches me off guard when the symptoms hit hard and I can’t think of any logical reason why I feel this way. 

I’ve lost interest in things I enjoy, and it feels like I am simply going through the motions. The emotional and physical wariness is all too real, and I feel disconnected from nearly everyone, even my husband. I hate being this way, but the depression haze thickens around me during each small moment of exhaustion. 

I spent the majority of the past two days in bed. Yet, today, I had to get out of bed. Not because I wanted to, but because some people were coming to fix something in our home, and I had to be awake to let them in. Even when they were here, I just wanted to go back to bed. But I couldn’t. 

So, I cried. Literally, tears falling down my face, frustrated crying because I still had no idea what was causing this bout of depression! But the tears felt good.

I went to the kitchen to get water. Crying can dehydrate, ya know. And I saw a gift that a friend had given me. A small tin box labeled “Give it to God” on the outside, containing a small notepad and pencil inside. 

I decided to do what it said and gave it to God. I wrote the word “depression” on a piece of paper, and I did feel a bit better. But then I remembered something someone else had told me: let things go. Write things down and throw them away as you give it all to God. 

So, I decided to burn that little slip of paper in a soy candle jar that was already mostly burned down. I lit the wick in the jar and dropped in the crumpled piece of paper, intending to burn it on the wick.

However, and I kid you not, the small piece of paper literally extinguished the candle wick and broke it. My depression, in some sense, suffocated that poor light. 

It was at this moment that I laughed and thought, “Yeah, that seems about right.” 

So, now, there was no usable wick and only a barely singed, symbolic piece of paper that had the word “depression” on it. I went to burn it again with a match, and it started to work, but then both it and the match suddenly stopped burning, at the exact same time. 

But now, the humor of the moment lit the stubbornness in me, and I was determined to see my depression burn! I lit the remaining two matches in the box and placed them at the top and bottom of this paper, and it finally caught fire! 

Then, something unexpected happened. The small amount of wax left on the base of this candle jar started to make the now-burned paper and matches smell good. Suddenly, things seemed ok. Not because my depression was gone immediately, but because I was reminded of some simple truths after the paper burned and a sweet aroma filled the air.

Yes, there will inevitably be tough things that we will need to let go of completely and totally, whether that means releasing them or even burning them. There will also be things in life that try to suffocate our healing, or things that are harder to get rid of than we initially expected. 

Yet, there is one thing that really pierced my soul as the clean, floral scent of the candle wax reached me. When we trust God and give ourselves to Him, our lives become a sweet aroma to Him. 

Only God can fully lift the heaviness off us. He carries what we were never meant to carry on our own. His faithfulness, love, and healing are not dependent on us. Our messes don’t hinder him. Our hurts don’t cause Him to turn away. Nothing can cause God to stop working on our behalf. When we come to God broken, He makes us whole. When we come weary, He gives us rest.

And when we give our lives to Him, although we are at times a burning mess, we are still a pleasing aroma to God! 

Ephesians 5:2 says, “And walk in love, as Christ also has loved us and given Himself for us, an offering and a sacrifice to God for a sweet-smelling aroma.” (NKJV)