I do not hide the fact that I strayed from the Lord in my teens and 20s. Like all things in life, my choices back then have led to a greater appreciation for God’s presence. He has used my past to weave a beautiful tapestry of His salvation, grace, and righteousness.

My fears, through his strength, turned to faith. My traumas transformed into healing, and my life, once aimless, now has purpose and fulfillment.

There is no limit to the ways God has changed, shaped, and molded me to be more like Christ. Yet, what is perhaps the most surprising is how He changed my sorrow to dancing and my depression to joy.

Over three decades ago, I was diagnosed with depression. Over two decades ago, the depression turned into severe chronic depression. And over a decade ago, it was part of what made me eligible for disability – it was that intense and life-altering.

The way I dealt with life was to hide in bed as my pillows became damp with tears from the outpouring of pain that seemed never to end. I continued to go from darkness to darkness until I was hopeless about whether I would ever feel anything good again.

To deal with the depression in my 20s, I used alcohol and drugs as I went from one bad relationship to another, all to numb the pain. 

Needless to say, that did not work, but giving my life back to God did. For decades, depression had a grip on me; now, even though I do still have bouts of depression, I also have an abundance of joy and peace.

My healing through Christ has happened gradually, but it has happened. And there are often moments when I am awe-struck by how much of my life God has redeemed and restored. There was a moment like this at church recently.

As my husband and I were standing during praise and worship, I felt the Holy Spirit move. As I opened my left palm and swayed to the worship song, I did so to express, to God, my willingness to give him all of me. The words of the song became the cries of my heart, and my heart was overflowing with joy!

This time in praise and worship brought back to my mind Psalm 30:11, which says, “You have turned for me my mourning into dancing.” (NKJV)

As the Spirit rested on me, I was reminded again of another way I used to deal with my depression. Honestly, I hadn’t thought of it in a while. It wasn’t lying in bed, but rather, going to clubs and bars every week.

My time clubbing was entirely selfish, with my only desire to please myself and get the attention of men. Needless to say, it was unfulfilling, and when I left the club or bar, I often felt alone and unwanted.

Fast forward to today. I no longer dance for selfish reasons or to get attention from others; instead, my heart rejoices in God’s presence. The dark shadows of bars and clubs were stifling and suffocating, but now, through Christ, my life has vibrant colors of joy and peace. 

When I dance and sing these days, it is because, above all else, I desire unity with the Living, Holy, and Loving God. It is He who hears the lyrics of my heart, brings my soul to dancing, and redeems my life with the eternal rhythm of His holiness, faithfulness, and righteousness.

Psalm 95:2, “Let us come before his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise!” (NKJV)

Psalm 149:3-4, “Let them praise His name with the dance; Let them sing praises to Him with the timbrel and harp. For the LORD takes pleasure in His people; He will beautify the humble with salvation.” (NKJV)

Dear Heavenly Father,

You are majestic and worthy of praise! Help the words of my mouth bring you glory. Grant me a dancing spirit that can’t help but move to the beat of your perfect timing in my life. Lord, I love you and above all, desire communion and connection with You!

In Your Name,

Amen